Remembering 2022

The best way to describe 2022 would be bitter-sweet. This year was incredibly painful and very healing at the same time. I grew a lot in so many ways, learned so much about God, and discovered so many hidden weaknesses and sins.

Where do I start?

The Hard Stuff

In February, I sat down to check my YDUBS community and read something that utterly shocked me. A fellow YDUBBER, Thomas, had committed suicide that morning. I couldn’t believe it. He was only fourteen. So young. So, so young.

I couldn’t believe that he was dead. I wasn’t very close to him. We’d talked a few times and I’d tried to offer encouragement. I didn’t understand the level of grief that I felt. It sent me spiraling back to a place that I very much didn’t want to go. When I was his age, I was suicidal, too. I spent many hours asking God why he saved my life but let Thomas die.

Not even a month later, my sugar glider Dreamer had an impacted colon. She survived surgery but died a few days later.

After she died, I locked myself in my room and cried nonstop for the rest of the afternoon. I hadn’t cried that hard in…I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard actually. It wasn’t for Dreamer. Yes, I loved her dearly and I was so so sad that she was gone. But in reality, I was just crying for the loss of the year. I wept for Thomas, for his family, for everyone who was missing him so terribly. I cried for a different friend who tried three times to take her life. I wept out the guilt and shame I felt over Thomas’s death. I cried for the years that I’d spent so depressed and miserable. I cried for everything that was wrong in the world.

I gave myself something that I’d never allowed before. One afternoon to fully grieve and cry and weep as hard as I wanted without caring what anyone else thought. I honestly didn’t imagine I had that many tears inside. It was healing and I thank God for it.

In July, we got the news that my dear great-grandma had passed away. She was 97 years old. She’d lived a long, beautiful life and died with the assurance of her salvation. Did that make it easier? Not really. I so wish that we could have gone and seen her again and told her how much she meant to us. We weren’t able to go to the funeral either. In a way, I’m thankful because I would have fallen apart completely if we were there.

To my people: I miss you. I’ll see you again one day.

The Beautiful Stuff

One of the most amazing parts of 2023 was going on our overseas vacation. We spent a month in Eastern Europe and visited eight countries. I’m dreaming of going on another trip like it right now. We got to see so many incredible buildings, and so much beautiful art and scenery. We learned a lot of WW2 history. We got to try amazing food (and some, uh, not-so-amazing burgers). All around, it was incredible and I am so so thankful that we got to go.

We also took a couple little weekend trips which were glorious. Traveling is amazing and I’m so thankful that God has put me in a family who can do it so often.

I got my first job in 2022. For the first couple of months of the year, I would spend every night begging God to give me a purpose and something to do. I felt useless and like I was wasting my life. God giving me my job was such a help. He knew exactly what kind of work I needed and he gave me a lot of patient people to help me out. So blessed. I love my girls and the staff and everyone. ❤

Spring100 was awesome this year. It’s been such good motivation to get out and about and I loved doing it with my family.

I enjoyed teaching Yoveil and Dovid school at the beginning of the year. I enjoyed it so much and also learned that teaching is way harder than I envisioned.

I stopped hiding my self harm scars and man…that’s been so nice. It is such a relief to be able to wear short sleeves again and to not have those secrets anymore.

What I Learned

Three main lessons stand out to me about 2022.

Do Hard Things

At the beginning of the year, I was determined that I wouldn’t let my fear get in the way of doing the things God wanted me to do. I was going to do hard things even when I didn’t think I could. And you know what? Most of the time it isn’t as scary as you think. It’s those first steps that are the very hardest. Keep pushing forward.

Follow God

Following God is scary. He can take you into unknown places that you never, ever wanted to visit. He knows what he’s doing and I promise you, it is for your benefit. Even when it hurts worse than anything you ever felt before.

Family is Everything

My family moves around a lot. If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that. We’ve lived in four different states since 2018 (when I started this blog) and many moves before that. It was hard to make friends and even if we did, we always knew that we’d be leaving them sooner or later. So we siblings grew very close to each other and our parents. We became each other’s best friends. I knew that in my mind, but I didn’t know it until this year.

When I started working and was away from my family four nights a week, I came to realize just how important they are to me. I miss them so bad when I’m gone. God allowed me to see what a blessing and a gift he had given me in them. ❤

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I know this post has been a little scattered but bear with me. 2022 was a beautiful, hard year and I’m so thankful for it. Praise God. I can’t wait to see what he does in 2023.

~Hattush

What was your 2022 like? Highs? Lows?