I care about people deeply. I care about their pain and their joy. I want to see everyone thrive and reach their full potential. I want to, single handedly, save everyone from anything that is hurting them.
When I was a kid, I would stress over big, fun events like holidays, birthdays or outings because I wanted them to be perfect. In order for them to be perfect, the people involved had to be completely happy and content. That meant no tears, no sighs, no subtly unhappy body language. I was very attuned to it all and would attempt to keep everyone cheerful by pretending to be happy and thrilled, whether I really was or not. Half the time, it didn’t work and the event would turn into a disaster (small or big, it all felt the same to me). I would end up exhausted and blaming myself for things that I really couldn’t have prevented.
I’ve gotten better at that now and accepted that life is unpredictable and people do argue, cry, get mad and then go back to enjoying the event. I’ve realized that people do need to grieve and that it okay and good. I can be with them in that and I don’t have to fix it. But, in a way, I’ve never outgrown the idea that I have to keep everyone okay. I want to make everything better for everyone. Erase the tears and give a genuine smile and beautiful laugh. When I can’t, or when I fail, I beat myself up because maybe I didn’t try hard enough or maybe I said the wrong thing or didn’t say the right thing.
Really, I confuse myself half of the time. There are days that I completely do not understand my personality. 🤣😂
In the end, I have to remember that it isn’t my job to singlehandedly save the world. I will never be able to rescue everyone. I hate even admitting that because it is speaking one of my greatest fears. I don’t want to let people down or watch them hurt and wonder if I could have stopped it. I also don’t want people to stop trusting me or asking me for help because I love that. It makes me feel alive and like I’m doing something good in the world. When my friends or family spill their guts and are vulnerable with me, it is one of the best gifts that they can give me. 💖
The truth is, I’m not God. I do not have the power or the strength to save every single person who is hurting. Everyone is struggling, in different ways, but we all are dealing with some hardship or another. I want to erase it and make it all go away. But that’s not my job alone. It’s up to all of us. If we band together and reach out to the person next to us and speak truth and love to them, the world will become a better place. We all need each other desperately.
I can’t save them all. But with God’s strength, together we can change the world and make a huge impact in the lives of those who are struggling with immense pain and hardship.