Random Talk #3

I sit alone in my room, listening to the song I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North. My siblings argue and play in the background. But here in my “lil world” everything is quiet and peaceful. The evening sunlight slips gracefully through my window, lighting up all of my little plants.

And right now I ponder questions like “Who am I?” and “What is the purpose of this life?” I wish I knew the perfect answers to these questions; I wish I could say that I had this whole life thing figured out. But I don’t. I’ve learned a lot over the past few years but I don’t know anywhere near everything that there is to know.

Recently I was looking back on my prayer journal from when I was 7-12. I was amazed to see how much my life has changed over the past while. Things happened that I would have never dreamed of before. And not all change is bad. Sometimes it is painful but it can often be healing as well. 💖

Sometimes I lay in bed at night and I ache for my past life. I ache to be the little girl who loved chickens and who’s biggest dream was to be a wife and mother. Other times I look longingly ahead to the future, thinking, hoping that maybe I’ll be able to make a difference in this pained world. And sometimes I just lay awake and wonder what the next day will hold and pray for strength to meet it with courage and to hope to see the sun rise again the next morning.

When I was little, Mama suggested that I keep 2 pages in my journal dedicated to something special: on one side I would record my prayer requests. And on the other side, I would record the answer to that prayer. Sometimes the answer didn’t come for years and in those painful years I thought God wasn’t listening. But now I can look back and see, yes he was listening. And yes he did answer those prayers. It wasn’t always in the way I had expected or hoped for but it was exactly what I needed. 💗

When I was 10/11 I was really sad and I would pray desperately for a comforter. I asked God for a baby sister with black hair. A year or two later, Yoveil was born. And guess what? At her birth, her hair was very dark – almost black. I was amazed and thankful to God. ❤️

How has God answered prayers in your life? What ways do you see him working through pain?