Won’t Say Goodbye

Two years ago, my heart broke as I clutched the edge of my bed and silently begged God to wake me up from this nightmare.

You had fled to the arms of your Savior.

While I lay in darkness, shoulders shaking with silent sobs, you were beginning the first chapter of a life that you had longed for so long. You saw your mom and your sisters that you missed so much. You saw the face of the Lord that you served so faithfully here. You had peace and rest, a reward for all of the pain and sacrifice that you had on earth.

I celebrate your life today because this was the day that you received everything that you had ever wanted. The day that hurt me but delighted you. I don’t want you to come back to earth to suffer anymore. But part of me wants you back because you were an incredible, amazing, wonderful woman. The world is a little emptier now that you’re gone.

Not a lot of people knew about you, but those who did will never forget your smile or your love. Your smile could light up the whole room in an instant. In spite of the pain that wracked your body, you still smiled and praised God.

You had such an influence for good over the lives that you touched.

When we moved away, you were my faithful pen pal and friend. You didn’t hate me when I was angry with God. You didn’t run away when I fell apart. You stayed and you encouraged. You breathed life into me when I wanted to die.

I miss you. So much. For two years, I couldn’t talk about you. For the first year, I cried whenever I wrote anything with your name in it. Now I write this for you. You won’t be forgotten.

I wish I had gotten the chance to say goodbye. To write one last letter. To get one last! To have had some idea that you were about to leave the world.

But maybe that is for the best. Because maybe we don’t need to say goodbye. I shall see you again and you will be whole. ❤ Until then, Marjorie.

~Hattush