Why I No Longer Want To Be Normal

From the moment I was born, I was weird. I didn’t come to have that moment of revelation for many years. I thought every six year old was completely obsessed with chickens. I thought everyone wrote (and read!) books on them and spent every waking moment thinking about them and dreaming about a future in which I would own a massive chicken farm (and never ever kill any of them).

I thought everyone was terrified of storms and fireworks and put on headphones and buried themselves under the covers.

I thought everyone was fascinated by the miracle of birth and wanted to watch every little bit of it. (Truly, you guys, it’s amazing! Has anyone else here watched YouTube videos of real births for fun? That used to be my favorite form of entertainment).

I thought everyone was so shy that they refused to talk to people for months and months – and even then only a few words. (Thank God for people who kept trying to reach me and were so patient!)

I thought everyone moved every couple years and got to go on grand (and stressful) adventures.

I thought everyone wore long dresses, tons of necklaces, rings and bracelets – and the same old worn out sandals that barely stayed on my feet (which my sister threw away when I wasn’t there to rescue them *sniffles*).

(Great mowing clothes, eh? 😂)

I never realized that I was weird until I was twelve or thirteen. And then it suddenly became clear. Everyone else was normal. Everyone else loved to talk with friends and be in loud groups of people and play strange games and tell jokes and act…normal. And somehow I didn’t know how to be a part of that.

For a while I was so desperate to have friends outside of my family. I was so lonely and when someone finally was my friend (the above person who continued to put up with my *coughs* lack of speech), I clung to her with everything in me and gave her all of my devotion and love. And when that ended, I was so sad and miserable.

And I begged God to just make me normal. I had no clue why I was so different and why I couldn’t just be like all of the other millions of people in the world. I spent so many nights lying in bed crying because I didn’t understand why God would be so cruel to make me so weird when everyone else was so normal. Why he would make it so hard for me to make friends and keep them. Why he would give me a massive lack of wit that even my sister had and why, instead of arguing in a calm, cool manner, I would always get hugely upset and dash off to cry alone in the bathroom when I was trying to appear strong. Why I moved around so much and never got to experience what life would be like if I had stayed in one place.

For years I begged to be normal. I begged God to take away all of the differences that seemed like curses.

And he said no.

No, you will never be normal.

It wasn’t until the past couple years that I finally heard the rest of his words.

You won’t ever be like everyone else. But it isn’t a curse like you think it is. You are different and you see the world differently. I made you like that for a reason. You don’t understand it yet. You just see the bad parts of it right now. But in time, you’ll realize that my plan is perfect and you’ll be thankful for the things that you hate now.

So I try to believe that. And in little ways, I do begin to see it. I still hate that I am so scared of talking to people and still hate how shy and unsociable I am. But I can see little gifts as well.

I am thankful for the life that I’ve lived so far. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t go back and ask for a typical life. I love all the moves that I’ve had. I’ve gotten to see so many different people and places and to travel so much. I love looking back at my younger self and laughing about how strange I was. I love that when I was younger I wasn’t aware of social expectations and was so free to be weird and to love it. I am so thankful for the family that I was placed in and for the mind that I was given.

Do I want to be normal?

No. I don’t.

Yes, there are times when I am still so mad that I am so different and weird. But in the end, I am thankful. So thankful.

~Hattush

Are you a weird-o, too? 😉 What things in your life have you thought of as curses but have turned out to be blessings? How has God spoken to you to help you see yourself the way that he sees you? Let’s chat in the comments! Has anyone else moved a lot?

Island of the Misfit Toys

30 thoughts on “Why I No Longer Want To Be Normal

  1. I love this Hattush! I’ve felt the same way soo many times, especially as a tween and younger teen, still trying to figure out who I was. (and still am, though to a lesser degree.) But I’ve been learning that God didn’t make any mistakes when He made me, and it’s beautiful how He made everyone different in their own ways. I’m so proud of you for accepting and loving what God made you to be. ❤ I love you very much!
    (And… and I defenitely relate to moving a lot! Although we haven't moved for 6 years, I've lived in 9 different houses, 4 states, and 2 countries. lol!)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ah, that is beautiful, Rosy. ❤ I am so glad that you are learning that and beginning to see that. ❤
      (Wow, yes! I remember being so excited when I learned that you'd moved a lot, too. 😆) Love ya. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh boy! Have you met your match!
    Yes, I did think chickens were awesome and must never be eaten. (Unless they were chicken strips but those don’t count since I did not kill the chicken myself.)
    Yes, I wore big hats and dresses everywhere and was mad when I had to change my “normal attire”
    Yes, I did think I could be an entomologist but just look at butterflies for a living.🤣🤣
    Yes, it was (and still is) hard for me to make friends.
    But as Christians we are bound to be different from the rest of the world. And that is what sets us apart.
    God is amazing! This post is really beautiful! I really enjoyed it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. YES EXACTLY. I loved chicken, just not MY chicken. XD 😉
      That’s awesome!! Love it. (And that’d be a really cool job…)
      Very true. We will be different and our differences will reflect Christ to the world.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is wonderful, Hattush 🙂
    I’ve always thought you were unique and beautiful and talented, and I’m so happy you’re starting to appreciate all the things that make you YOU. ❤️ Please give my love to you family!! I hate that we have lost touch (I don’t think I have a good phone number anymore!) Anyway, much love to you all!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thank you so much!
      I will. ❤ We miss you all! (Ever think about coming out to Utah? Lots of great national parks and summer activities here!)
      Hope you are all doing well! ❤

      Like

  4. *hugs you* You know, at the beginning of this year I had an experience where I was watching everyone else in a group laugh and have fun and I just knew in the moment that they understood how to do something I didn’t: be normal. And that hurt. I was in another state, sharing a room, but I went to my bed and cried as quietly as I could and begged the Lord to show me the secret. He didn’t.
    Now here I am, weird still and maybe weirder. I know I have problems but… there’s a purpose. Sure it hurts sometimes right now, but I will be OK because He made me awesomely and wonderfully. 💙

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, that is so hard, Kaley. ❤ I'm sorry that you have had to experience that. But I'm glad that you are beginning to see that there is purpose in it. ❤ You are perfectly made. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This nearly made me cry. I will keep this short; reading this was like looking into my soul. I have struggled with the exact same things, and I always tried to exaggerate my weirdness so that people thought I was just faking it for attention, when really that is just who I am. My heart goes out to you, as someone who knows what it is like to be lonely, I wish you the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m not sure if my comment made it here, but was saying I wrote something a while back maybe you need to read. I tried to share the link. It’s called “Like a Sore Thumb.” I don’t think you are weird, my dear. I think you are incredible and unique you! 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so relatable, and certainly something so many young teens need to read!! Growing up with some pretty obvious disabilities, I remember wondering why I couldn’t fit in with the rest of the world. Now I’ve come around to the same place as you, I think—being normal isn’t what we were meant for!!

    For the record, you seem pretty cool to me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey, Hattush!!! 😃👋 It’s been so long! (I’ve been so busy for so long, but there is SO MUCH to catch up on. Obviously I won’t be able to catch up on all your previous posts, and I can’t promise that I’ll be consistent even now. But at this time I have a few minutes, so I thought I’d come on and say some things 😁)
    Ha ha, I so relate with some of the things in here 😂 I can sometimes have a normal conversation, but a lot of the time it’s a bit awkward and forced. And oftentimes I can only ask someone how they’re doing, and beyond that, I’m like, “Get me out of here!” Which is really weird, cause I think I’m a people person, but I can’t seem to have a normal conversation. (I’m really bad at small talk 😅)
    But yes, even tho I haven’t moved in over five years, I’ve moved 8 times, lived in 9 houses, lived in two different states and two different countries…😏 Sounds a bit similar to Rosy, huh? 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    1. (No worries at all, Faith!! I totally get that life is buuuusy and crazy! 😊)
      Ooo yes, small talk is really hard! Its funny how we can lovd people but have trouble conversing with them. 😆
      Wow, yes! That’s a lot of moves! What other country did you live in?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks 😅
        Yes! I find it terribly hard to think of spur of the moment things to say 😶 For example, a *ahem* friend (probably more on this later 😂) was telling me that he got a promotion at work, and I totally forgot to congratulate him 🤦‍♀️ I probably seem like a complete jerk now 😩 I don’t know if or when I’ll be able to say it to him. So yeah, not good at quick responses when someone’s pouring out their “life story” lol 😂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. (Ooo a friend??? *curious face*)
          Aw, I’m sure he doesn’t think you are a jerk! Yeah, quick responses are HARD!! I always think of perfect things to say ten minutes late. 😂

          Like

  9. My dad always tells me “normal is just a setting on the dryer”. As Christians, we are called to “not be conformed to this world” which means we will be un-normal in the world’s eyes. Some people I know think I’m weird and un-normal, but being set apart for God means I will be un-normal. Thanks for this post, Hattush!

    Liked by 1 person

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