Last year, just before the New Year, I wrote a blog post called 2020 – My New Year’s Hope. It was hard to publish because it was very raw, honest and real. 2019 had been a really tough year. I was struggling with a lot of things. Among them was anger. Anger against God for letting my family be impacted by depression. Angry for all of the pain in the world. Angry because I was helpless and couldn’t do a thing to change it. At the end, I wrote that I wished God would take that anger away and give me hope instead.
Well, He has.
There are still days when I blow up at stupid things or when I rail against life because it feels unfair and cruel. I’m not saying that my life is all sunshine and roses now. I still have bad days. But they are fewer and farther than before.
I found hope in 2020. It’s kind of ironic that this was the year that I would find what I had been wanting for so long. With everything that happened in this country – in the world – as well as personal life, it’s almost funny that God gave me hope this year.
Yet He did.
I wrote a letter to my younger self, and I thought I’d share it with all of you. You guys have been so wonderful. You’ve encouraged me, strengthened me and given me courage to be honest and real. I never thought that blogging would be such a blessing.
Dear Younger Me,
You have a lot of questions now. You don’t understand. You don’t care. You just want everything to be better right now. God knows that. But he is working in ways that you can’t see yet. Because of the things that you’re going through now, you’ll be able to reach out to people who are in the same situation. You’ll be able to offer real encouragement and hope because you’ve been there and you know what it’s like.
I promise you, you’ll find your way to the other side soon. It seems impossible now, but God is bringing you closer to the light. Hold on. Keep your head up. Everything isn’t great. You’re not fine. And that’s okay. When you are able to admit that, your heart will find freedom. Don’t forget who you truly are: a Daughter of the Light.
Happy New Year, my friends. May you find hope and beauty in the mundane, the hard, and the beautiful.
What did you learn from 2020? How have you been encouraged this year? What are you looking forward to in 2021?