When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Who is the person staring back at you?
I used to cry in my bed, late at night and unable to sleep, over how horrible and ugly I thought I was, and how I longed to be literally anyone else. I used to weep because I was convinced that God hated me, and that no one could ever love me.
Looking in the mirror, I felt nothing but disgust. The person staring back at me was not who I wanted to be. I hated her so much, that I could hardly take it. I cut my skin to quench some of that hatred. I wrote names, insults, on my skin and repeatedly wrote them in a notebook. I tore apart my heart in anger.
So I know how painful it is. I know how much it hurts to feel so unlovable, unworthy, and useless. Even now, some nights, I will feel that familiar pain, and I will once again cry over the very same lies that used to hold me captive. But it has become better, because now those things don’t define me.
There is no instant cure. There is no overnight fix. I can’t offer that to you. But what I can give you is this hope, I made it through, God will bring you through too. You just have to trust His timing.
The one thing stronger than the enemy’s lies, is God’s truth. Write these truths on your Bible, in your notebooks, on sticky notes, write them down over and over again every day. Even when you don’t believe them. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it makes you cry. Write truth on your arms.
I am loved
I am wanted
I am beautiful
God calls me His
I am worth it
I am not a lost cause
I am not defined by my past
I am a treasure
I am chosen
It took a long time to get to where I am now. There were times when I would be doing better. Reading my Bible, trying to believe His truths about me. And it would work, for a little while. Then I would fall back into the pit of hatred I felt towards myself. And I would cry out, “Why does this keep happening? Why haven’t you healed me yet? Am I just destined to fail?”
God will bring healing. But He will bring it in His timing. Maybe it will be weeks, maybe years, or maybe you won’t be fully healed until He calls you home. I don’t know why He allows pain. But maybe it is because through the pain, we will be so much stronger than we would have been without it. I know I would never be where I am now if I hadn’t carried that pain for my entire life.
Choose to battle this hate that you feel and these lies that plague you with God’s truth about who you are. Write His truth on your arms.
Forever and Always,
Rae is a blogger and sign language lover! She dreams of the Gospel being made readily available to the Deaf community and has a passion for bringing the good news of God’s amazing love to Deaf and hearing everywhere! All her life, she has struggled with fear and seeing her worth in God. But He has shown His love to be unstoppable and now she strives to share it with the rest of the world!
(Be sure to check out her awesome blog here!)