Five Gross Stories From My Life (plus other random stories)

Who doesn’t love to read about gross and embarrassing stories? Here are a few from me own lil life! 😉

The First: Inky Mouth

I would rather not reveal how old I was when this story took place, but it is enough to say that I should have known better. We kids were sitting in a hotel room, with a babysitter, while our parents were at their final counseling appointment. I was bored and started to chew on the tip of my pen. (At the time, I would bite the ends of my pens so hard that they’d break XD) Just as my parents walked through the door, the pen tip broke and ink burst into my mouth. Not thinking at all, I spit it out into my hand. *coughs* So there I was, running past my parents and the babysitter, desperate to get to the bathroom before the inky spit dripped out of my hand and all over the WHITE hotel beds and carpet. Yeah, it certainly wasn’t my most dignified moment…..

The Second: Boaz and the Diaper

When Baruch was two or three, we got our swimming pool set up. At the time, we lived on a farm and owned a Great Pyrenees dog named Boaz. One day, we were swimming and Baruch *ahem* went to the bathroom in his swim diaper. We QUICKLY took him out of the pool, and Mama took his diaper and his swim shorts off and set them aside so that she could clean him up. When she looked back to try to find his shorts, they were gone. We realized that Boaz had eaten the diaper along with the shorts. *gags* We eventually found remnants of the shorts but it was pretty gross….

The Third: Psyllium Husk

A few years ago, we decided to go on a new diet. We were supposed to do a detox week before we started. Doesn’t sound so bad? Let me clarify. During that week of torture, the only thing we were we were supposed to eat or drink was a cup of vegetable broth every few hours along with *gags* a gigantic cup of psylluim husk. Psylluim husk is this disguising stuff that gets really lumpy and slimy when mixed with water.

The first day I stood in front of the sink, holding my cup of psylluim husk. I had added a ton of water, and attempted to gulp it down as quickly as possible. Chunks slid down my throat. I almost gagged several times, but managed to swallow it all. Wait a few hours and then it was time for the second dose. I added less water (in the hopes that it would go away quicker) and felt so sick. When it came time to drink the third one, I was so opposed to it. I sat down at the table and stared at my bowl of slimy stuff. In an attempt to hide the disguising taste, I added a TON of cinnamon, so that it was basically a spicy, cinnamon-y paste. It still didn’t hide the flavor, so I dumped lemon extract onto it, too. I don’t remember if I finished it or not, but I felt like I would throw up. Mama did. After that, we decided to cut the detox period short. XD

Since then, I have never been able to eat anything with the combination of lemon and cinnamon flavors. Only recently have I even been able to stand the taste of that lemon extract, and my love for cinnamon has never been the same. XD

The Fourth: Nose Bleed

This story also takes place at the same time as the first Inky Mouth story. XD We were in Colorado for my parents counseling and I was in our airbnb, babysitting my little siblings. At the time, Baruch would have really bad nose bleeds almost every morning. Unfortunately for me, his nose chose that time to start bleeding.

It was a particularly bad nosebleed. Blood was pouring out all over his hands and his face. I was trying to get him a tissue or toilet paper before he sneezed and it went ALL OVER the furniture. It was dripping down his shirt and pants before he made it to the bathroom. It was definitely the worst nose bleed I’d ever seen and it was pretty gross….

The Fifth: The Fridge

Baruch was two or three at the time. (Sorry for all the stories about you, bro. 😜😌) We were trying to potty train him. He took his diaper off and somehow got into the fridge. He found the carton of eggs and broke a bunch. He squirted mustard everywhere. And he *ahem* went to the bathroom in it, too.

I walked into the room and found him there……it was…..very…..VERY gross. *gags* It took a while to clean up. XD But we looove telling the story because *laughs* who doesn’t love recounting embarrassing stories (especially when they’re about someone else)?

THE PHASES:

PHASE #1: The Mustard

Many people in this family went through phases. When I was twelve or thirteen, I was in love with mustard. Yeah, I know. I was a weird kid. Whenever we had mustard, I would squeeze a ton onto my plate and eat it plain. Sometimes when I was hungry or bored, I’d go to the fridge, pull out the mustard and eat it completely by itself. *gags now thinking about it*

Phase #2: The Dogs

Last year, Baruch became obsessed with dogs. (Also, he’s allergic to them XD). So, he was begging our parents to buy him one. When that request wasn’t granted, he decided that the next best thing would be to watch all the dog movies known to man.

We were in Colorado for counseling, and I would babysit me siblings during the day for like two weeks. Obviously, movies were a big part of that. XD (Call me a bad sister, if you want, but trying to keep four kids indoors and entertained is really hard). So for nearly two weeks we watched dog movies. It’s a known fact that most kids dog movies have 1) terrible story lines 2) have bad acting 3) are ridiculous. Poor us. XD But Baruch was very happy. XD

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Well guys, I had more stories to tell, but my sleep deprived brain erased them. Besides, Dovid is getting into EVERYTHING at the moment and I must go clean the table before he destroys it/himself. 😱

Have a great day!

~Hattush