Interview With T.J.S.

Hello everyone! Today I have a very special guest on my blog! He has kindly agreed to come all of the way from an idea in my mind to my paper, to be interviewed. *trumpets and drums* Please welcome, Mr. Tyler Swanson!

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Tell me a bit about you and your life, Tyler.

I am currently not in any story that Hattush has written, but I’m hoping that she will soon write a story about me. I’m hoping to be a main character. Maybe the guy who saves the world by using only a bottle of hand sanitizer and a tissue!

I don’t think I’ve written any stories like that, Tyler.

Really? Too bad. Well, there is a first for everything! Anyway, as stated above, my name is Mr. Tyler J. Swanson. I am the ripe old age of ten. I’ve seen a lot in the course of my days! For example, there was the time my little sister swallowed a whole bottle of glue. And there was that other time that my older brother was driving me and Mom to the store and he almost had a wreck. (I almost had a heart attack). It was a terrifying, traumatic moment in my life. I had weeks of nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, what is the worst dream that you’ve ever had?

Oh don’t make me remember! It was awful! I was in a washing machine, being spun around! I was drowning and these purple dinosaurs were laughing at me and saying how awful I looked. Then they pulled me out of the water and cooked me and ate me! It was terrible!

What’s the most embarrassing thing your parents do in public?

Are these questions supposed to be so….random?

Randomness is the unofficial theme of my blog.

*Sighs* Let me think….once my mom and dad were out at a store. We were all shopping, when suddenly this song started playing. Apparently, it was really meaningful to my parents, because both of them started dancing in the aisle! I was dying!

Do you have a fear of chickens?

How did you know?! They’re so creepy! I mean, have you seen their sharp talons?! And just think about all of the germs that they have! I make it a point not to eat chicken. Have you seen those huge chicken houses?!

You should have come to our farm and eaten our chicken, Ty. They were really tasty….not that I actually remember what they tasted like because it was so long ago….

Anyway. Do you believe in Santa Claus?

Of course! Who doesn’t? I mean, who else would have enough money to put presents under the tree for ALL of those kids?!

*decides not to break the news that Santa isn’t real* What is your family like?

I have an older teenage brother and a younger sister. My brother ignores me. My sister ignores me. Mom is my best friend and we have a lot of fun together. And Dad is really funny sometimes. I’d say I have great parents and semi-great siblings. 😉

What job do you want to have when you grow up?

I want to work anywhere where there are a lot of people who are guarding ME. I don’t want a job that has anything to do with chemicals. Or fire. Or large amounts of water. Or weapons. Or anything dangerous.

What’s your greatest fear?

EVERYTHING! Life is a scary place, people! Believe me, I know! Just two days ago, I was nearly impaled by an angry creature.

Ty, a TINY bug accidentally got stuck in your eye. And it didn’t look angry at all.

*ahem* In the moment, it seemed a lot more frightening….besides, my eye hurt for thirty minutes.

Cartoons or video games?

Cartoons! I always die in video games….

Do you wear glasses?

Yup. I’ve worn them since I was five years old.

Are you more chubby or lean?

*weeps loudly* Alas! Pie and cake and pudding have betrayed me!

What’s one traumatizing story you barely lived to tell about?

Once, I was out taking a walk when this HUGE dog almost attacked me! He ran at me and was barking and his teeth were huge! He chased me for a long time! I barely made it home!

What is a chapter in your life you wish you could erase from memory?

The dog one. ^^ I still have nightmares about that. There is this awful nightmare…I’m riding in a car and it crashes. I barely make it out and when I do, a huge, angry dog is waiting to devour me!

Lovely. *clears throat* Do you ever eat Styrofoam?

No! Gross! Do you have any idea how bad Styrofoam is for your health?! It’s awful!  NEVER PUT ANYTHING THAT IS NOT FOOD INTO YOUR MOUTH. YOU COULD DIE. I once saw this kid sucking on crayons and it was all I could do not to scream and rush her to the hospital. (And it looked strangely like my author, Hattush, now that I think about it). My last words of wisdom to you – be safe. Wrap yourself in breathable-bubble-wrap and lock yourself inside your house. Drink your food out of a straw so that you don’t chock. Put hand sanitizer on everything. Don’t smell markers. Don’t lick hot pans. Don’t put your tongue on cold metal. Take a bath AND shower every day and use lots of soap.

Last question, do you follow all of the advice you just gave us above?

*long pause* Well, not exactly. Alas, I live in a world where people do not appreciate my level of cleanliness. I do my best, but things aren’t always as sanitary as I want them to be…. Can I just give you one last piece of advice? I see you shaking your head no, but this is important. Wash your hands. With soap. And hot water.

~Tyler

Thank you for coming on DOTL, Tyler. I hope you have a safe, good day. 😉