Midnight Ramblings

(Warning: continue reading at your own risk. I get very weird when I’m tired. I think the logical part of my brain gets turned off and I get all of these crazy, weird ideas….then in the morning I wake up and I’m like, “Yikes…I am so glad I didn’t put that plan into action. I would have been seriously embarrassed now… XD 🤦🏻‍♀️)

It’s nearly midnight and I’m lying on my bed room floor, wrapped up in a blanket, randomly writing a blog post for some time in the near future. I’d normally have my faithful cup of tea beside me, but it’s late and I’m too lazy to go downstairs to get it. XD ‘sides, I don’t want to wake everyone up….

Tonight Mama, Jehosheba and I went to a ladies bible study…generally, I really, really hate them because *ahem* they are LADIES bible studies and I’m always the youngest person there. (Well, besides Jehosheba…together, we make up the youngest people at those meetings.) Basically, it’s just an incredibly awkward time where I count down the minutes until I can get out of there because I DO NOT BELONG AT ALL and it’s just weird when the older people try to make us feel like we belong, but there isn’t even a chance at that. (Lovely sentence, grammar wise. XD If my grammar teacher wasn’t a prerecorded video, he would be so proud of me….or not….XD) Buuuuuut tonight I was surprised to find that I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would. Everyone was so kind and it felt like we were stepping into a family….I was amazed by how much all of the women seemed to love and just CARE about and for each other. It is something that I haven’t seen for a long time and it was really cool. It made me kind of want to give humanity a chance at getting to know me. (Yes, I’m weird. XD)

The song Truth Be Told by Matthew West is playing right now. This song has struck me so deeply…read the chorus:

But truth be told, the truth is rarely told
I say, “I’m fine, yeah, I’m fine, oh, I’m fine, hey, I’m fine”
But I’m not, I’m broken
And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control
But it’s not and You know it
I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it
When being honest is the only way to fix it
There’s no failure, no fall
There’s no sin You don’t already know
So let the truth be told

That is crazily true. There have been so many times that people have asked me if I was okay and I’d just smile and say, “I’m fine, I’m great, life is great, let’s move on” when I really wasn’t fine or great at all. But I’ve been learning that it’s only when you let others in, when you let others help you, only then do you start to heal and grow. And believe me, that is an awful realization for someone like me. I really like to be self-sustaining and I don’t like to HAVE to depend on people because, well, people aren’t always reliable and sometimes life gets in the way of normally reliable people. Anyway. I LOVE this part in Matthew West’s song:

There’s a sign on the door, says, “Come as you are” but I doubt it
‘Cause if we lived like that was true, every Sunday morning pew would be crowded
But didn’t You say church should look more like a hospital?
A place for the sick, the sinner and the scarred, and the prodigals like me

Just go listen to Truth Be Told, people. It’s a really good, moving song. 🙂

Welp, I have school and Sibling Babysitting tomorrow, so I should probably say farewell so that I don’t fall to sleep at a bad point and wake up to find that my siblings brothers have destroyed the house. XD Have a stunning day, people. 😉 ❤


25 thoughts on “Midnight Ramblings

  1. AH! I love Truth Be Told!!!! (cheers and throws confetti) I loved this post as well, thanks for sharing with all of us, Hattush. It was interesting being able to step into your life and your heart, if only for a few minutes. (by the way, I get REALLY CRAZY when I’m tired. Really, really crazy . . . )

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, wow. My favorite song by Matthew West? He has too many good ones! Though for some of his new ones, I love The God Who Stays. And Truth Be Told. And Grace Upon Grace . . . okay, well, let’s just say I love all of them. How about you?

        Liked by 1 person

            1. Oh, okay, I accidentally marked that comment as spam and I was trying to undo it and someone was squirming on my lap and I must have accidentally changed the name…. sorry! 🤓


  2. I’ve never heard of that song. I love it and I also have to work on telling the truth do this was good for me since I struggle with telling the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think everybody struggles with this. I certainly have. And I’m still dealing with the consequences my decisions made today. But I admire your honesty, and am praying for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control”
    Uhm yup, I am Matthew, Matthew is me. XD
    Problem was, I struggled for a long time and even though I’d admit it to the people I knew, I never once admitted it to myself. Suffering and struggling was unacceptable to me and I just could not be okay with that, so I kept going along painfully and couldn’t face the turmoil in my heart. The Lord is teaching me now to hand all of that to Him and live in the light of His love. It’s a daily decision, one I have to make every single moment I live – am I going to try to do this on my own, or will I do it in His strength? When I make the latter decision, He is victorious in my circumstances every time. ❤
    Also I LOVE the new(ish?) design of you guys' blog! The header, the theme… gah yes

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *hugs you tight* I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. That’s so cool all that God is teaching you. ❤

      Thanks! 🙂 Cailyn did a GREAT job redesigning the blog! I REALLY like the way it turned out! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a wonderful post! Nothing weird about it! I’m so glad that those ladies are becoming more like family; that’s the way it should be! In a truly loving family, age doesn’t matter so much.
    Also, that’s a great song! We really do need to take off our masks and let the right people know that we are in need of a little TLC and lots of prayer. The only people who don’t need it don’t exist. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Yeah, I’ve missed being around people like that. A while back, we went to a church and everyone there felt SO much like a family. We were going to become members but the DAY that we were supposed to join, we left and never went back. 😕 That was two or three years ago. Since then, I haven’t really been in a church that’s felt so loving. ❤️
      I love that! “the only people who don’t need it don’t exist.”


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