I’m Sorry + 5 Random Topics

Posted on by Hattush

Maybe you’ve noticed that I’ve been posting very frequently over the past few weeks. And maybe you’re wondering why. *bites lip nervously* Well, I’ll be honest. The last few weeks have been up and down for me. Some days are great and I feel like I’m moving forward in life. But other days I fail. I yell at my siblings (and parents), start fights and end up locking myself in closets.

And so, to try to regain ANY kind of control over my life, I often turn to my blog. My journal explains what I mean:

I started out today raging mad on the inside and sarcastically cold on the outside. Then lunch came and I totally blew up. Now, I just feel like all the anger has seeped out, leaving me weak again. The majority of today was spent posting on my blog. The last while, my blog has really been an escape of sorts for me. I guess it’s just a place that I can call MINE. I have complete control over it. I can write whatever I want, I can delete whatever I want, I can change whatever I want. And the people who read it are mine, to a certain extent, I guess. I can be goofy there, and hide the ache that I feel in my heart. Actually, a lot of my funny posts were written when I was feeling miserable on the inside. But I could hide beneath the sarcasm and the jokes and just write and have people comment, thus getting my mind off of everything.

That’s basically it. *silently hates being so vulnerable* I’ve used this as an escape, and I’m sorry. I’ve spent hours writing (and often deleting) blog posts because I really did not want to put down my computer and face the real world. Because the real world is messy and broken and often has a lot of tears in it, and I don’t always want to deal with that.

So people, I’m sorry. Truly. I’m sorry for using this blog wrongly and I hope that you all will forgive me. ❤

And just so you know, I probably will still post pretty frequently but hopefully just for the fun of it and not for other reasons 😉

Random Topic #1 – Cookies

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Anyway, with that said, let’s move on! 🙂 Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon making cookies! The first batch I made was sugar-free sugar cookies + sugar-free buttercream frosting. We used erythritol as a sugar substitute. We’ve tried a lot of different sugar substitutes over the years (including xylitol, erythritol, coconut sugar, etc.) but I think my very favorite of all is stevia (in moderation) and monk fruit. Monk fruit doesn’t get bitter as quickly as stevia and doesn’t have that “cold” feeling that a lot of other sugar substitutes have. 🙂 (I have no idea why I just wrote all that random stuff, but bear with me, okay? I was up really late last night and am veeeery tired.)

Random Topic #2 – Writing

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Writing has been kind to me recently. 🙂 I’ve been working on a story for Christmas time and I am about ¾ of the way through it. It has been going surprisingly well. I’ve been getting all these ideas for it LATE at night, which isn’t the best because then I stay up way too late just working on it. The past few days I’ve been trying to work on it more so that I can actually finish it in time for Christmas. I’ve found that I am very easily distracted, so to help combat that, I made myself sit down and WRITE for 20 minutes. No checking email, no getting up to change the music, nothing. Just sit and write. And guess what? It has actually worked! Cheer for writing progress!! 😛

(I’ve also recently started a new grammar class, so hopefully that will improve my AWFUL GRAMMAR USAGE!)

Random Topic #3 – Drinks

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This temporary house came with one of those coffee makers that makes coffee/tea from the K-Cup pods! I’ve used that A LOT! I mean, who would say no to a nice warm drink when it only takes a few seconds to make? 😉 So yeah, I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee. I also have made a huge dent in the tea supply that I brought. *cries because my beloved tea is going away so fast* After quite a few days of drinking hot drinks (and scalding my poor little tongue) I started adding a bunch of ice and turning them cold. XD

Other than drinking coffee and tea, I’ve also really enjoyed *drum roll* SPARKLING WATER! It’s soooo yummy! I used to think it was really gross, but now I looove it! We often get the big cases from Costco. It’s amazing how fast they disappear!

Random Topic #4 – Silent Houses

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I love silence. (Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say that I love the idea of silence. On the rare occasions that I DO get COMPLETE silence, I usually ruin it by playing music or something.) Last night my family went to drop off some Christmas cookies, and I got to stay at home. AND after the washer finally stopped IT WAS SO QUIET! There is something so peaceful and great about being alone with the silence. After enjoying it for a few seconds, I found my beloved music and played it pretty loudly. 🙂 😛 As much as I love being alone with stillness, I think I’d miss the pitter-patter of little feet and the cute little voices. And the screaming and shrill shrieks that my three youngest siblings create with amazing ease. Well, no, I actually don’t think I’d miss that last part. XD Anyway, point being, I’m thankful for my siblings even though they are very loud sometimes. 🙂

Random Topic #5 – New Year’s Resolutions

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#1: Stop being angry with the world

#2: Become a stunningly kind person

#3: Stop making mistakes and automatically become perfect

#4: Quit being shy and become an extremely outgoing person

*sighs* Yeah, wouldn’t that be nice? Somehow, I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to accomplish any of those goals in a single year. 😦 As the end of the year rolls around, I always start wondering about my goals for the next 365 days. 2020 is a BIG year number wise. (Younger me was sure that I wouldn’t live to be that old because, you know, 2020 is such a giant number. XD) I’m not exactly sure what my goals for 2020 are yet, but they will definitely have something to do with #1 being a nicer person #2 trying more new things #3 writing more #4 getting back to exercising (and trying to regain the stamina that I’ve lost). 🙂 We’ll see.

And so ends another random post. 😉 Have a great day, people! (And talk to me! XD)

~Hattush

Have you ever gone sugar-free? If you write, how are your writing projects going? What are your favorite drinks? Do you like the quiet? What are your resolutions for 2020? 

Published by Hattush

Christian| Writer| Glider Slave| Runner| Blogger| Baker| Greek Myth Nerd| Photographer| Sister| Someone who believes in hope and seeks to spread it|

33 thoughts on “I’m Sorry + 5 Random Topics”

  1. Awwww! I get this whole thing, girl! My world is summed up in one sentence: I am a random person riding through a crazy hectic awesome world of random and trying to stop the vehicle I’m in. (Vehicle being my family) So ya. I try to be the most amazing big sister in the world, buuuuuuuuuuut…

    And you know what I do to stay happy about life? I ask two questions: Why did God make me: To spread joy or tears? And Did God not promise that all things work together for good for those who trust in Him? Our goal on Earth should be to express God’s love in all we do.

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  3. Girllll…. The struggle is so real. Life is so confusing and hard a weird and yeah…. *Cries and hugs you forever* ❤ ❤ ❤ I'm praying for you Hattush, and I here anytime you wanna talk. ❤
    Oh, YES, quietness is so amazing and rare when you live in a big family, lol! XD And your New Year's resolutions… Man, I WISH!!! Lol! XD
    Love you with all my heart, girl! ❤

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  4. Girl I totally get youuuu *big hugs!* ❤ I used my blog in 2017 and 2018 as an escape, because blogging made me happy when nothing in my real life was. I was definitely happy about blogging, so my posts weren’t lies, but I still wasn’t being totally authentic and real, and it often got to me. I’m sorry to hear that things have been rough for you, but opening up about it is a huge step toward healing and changing! 🤗💙💙
    I have no idea what 2020 will hold for me, but I have a feeling it will be exciting, crazy, and completely different than I can at all predict. 😂 I’m thinking of coming up with new year’s HABITS instead of RESOLUTIONS because those lofty goals I set in New Years past just were not working for me, lol.

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    1. Thank you so much, Maggie. *hugs you tight* That means a lot. ❤
      I hope that 2020 is all that you hope!! Oh yes! I should do new year's HABITS, too! 😉 Most of my resolutions die pretty quickly. 😦

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      1. You’re welcome 💜 Same!! 😂 I definitely think habits would have a better chance of sticking around for me than random big goals. 😉 I’ll really be able to see the progress I’m making!

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  6. Don’t worry, that desire to have a little bit of control over something is a totally normal desire. I find it comforting to know that I can bring my distressed feelings to the Lord and be totally honest with Him about them. Someone else had to speak this truth into me, because somehow I was afraid that the Lord would love me less if I admitted to Him what was going inside. What this other person said was that “He already knows it anyway”, and it’s so true! We aren’t hiding anything from Him anyway! He knows it all, and He still loves us the same!! He won’t unfollow us or dislike us or get us in trouble for telling Him how we feel. He wants to guide us gently into better ways *read “right ways”* of thinking, all the while loving us perfectly!
    I started this new series on my blog in October on being thankful for something every day. I plan on doing an entire year, 365 posts, on what I’m thankful for. After 2 months of doing this, it has really helped my thought processes and given me a better attitude about what is going on in my life. It keeps me accountable and causes me to ask myself every day, “What am I thankful for today?” Occasionally, I’ll be having troubles thinking of something, so I’ll ask God to help, and He does! Do you think something like that might help you as well, like for your New Year’s commitment? 😀
    Oh, and I love to have some silence in my day, too! Maybe that’s why I love to go outside, swing on the swing, take a walk, go hiking, etc. 🙂
    Have a great day!

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement. ❤ That means a lot!
      Yes! I saw the series on your blog! It is SUCH a cool idea! My mama always says that thinking on things that God has blessed us with is a REALLY good practice. 🙂 Yes, I may add that to my new year's list! 🙂 Thanks for the idea!

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      1. You’re totally welcome! I’m glad!
        Yes, your mama is right! Now to practice and get in the habit! I think I heard somewhere that it takes eight weeks of doing something to get into the habit of it. I suppose that may vary slightly from person to person. And, it’s always easier to get into a bad habit and harder to get into a good habit, too! 🙂
        God bless with your new year’s list! ❤
        No problem!

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          1. Wonderful! They say practice makes perfect, but it takes LOTS of practice, and even professional sports players still don’t get it perfect every time. The key is to keep trying again. As they say in French, Bon courage! (Which is more than just good luck; it involves the courage to keep trying.)

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  7. Hattush, I think you were so fearless to share that. I mean, it’s not easy admitting that no, everything is not perfect. And that we’re an imperfect human being with crummy days like everyone else. It’s not easy being so open and raw with people. Takes real courage, and what you did, well, it’s inspiring. It really helps people relate. Thank you for sharing that with all of us. Because the truth is, we’re all struggling with the exact same things. Life is crazy. And unpredictable. And weird. And just downright confusing. And add our emotions and hormones? (laughs) We’re going to have bad days. But it’s so encouraging to see you get back up again. God tells us in 1 John 4:4, “Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.” You have the power of the Creator of Universe inside you!! And He will help you through. Thanks, Hattush! Praying for you!

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