Maybe you’ve noticed that I’ve been posting very frequently over the past few weeks. And maybe you’re wondering why. *bites lip nervously* Well, I’ll be honest. The last few weeks have been up and down for me. Some days are great and I feel like I’m moving forward in life. But other days I fail. I yell at my siblings (and parents), start fights and end up locking myself in closets.
And so, to try to regain ANY kind of control over my life, I often turn to my blog. My journal explains what I mean:
I started out today raging mad on the inside and sarcastically cold on the outside. Then lunch came and I totally blew up. Now, I just feel like all the anger has seeped out, leaving me weak again. The majority of today was spent posting on my blog. The last while, my blog has really been an escape of sorts for me. I guess it’s just a place that I can call MINE. I have complete control over it. I can write whatever I want, I can delete whatever I want, I can change whatever I want. And the people who read it are mine, to a certain extent, I guess. I can be goofy there, and hide the ache that I feel in my heart. Actually, a lot of my funny posts were written when I was feeling miserable on the inside. But I could hide beneath the sarcasm and the jokes and just write and have people comment, thus getting my mind off of everything.
That’s basically it. *silently hates being so vulnerable* I’ve used this as an escape, and I’m sorry. I’ve spent hours writing (and often deleting) blog posts because I really did not want to put down my computer and face the real world. Because the real world is messy and broken and often has a lot of tears in it, and I don’t always want to deal with that.
So people, I’m sorry. Truly. I’m sorry for using this blog wrongly and I hope that you all will forgive me. ❤
And just so you know, I probably will still post pretty frequently but hopefully just for the fun of it and not for other reasons 😉
Random Topic #1 – Cookies
Anyway, with that said, let’s move on! 🙂 Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon making cookies! The first batch I made was sugar-free sugar cookies + sugar-free buttercream frosting. We used erythritol as a sugar substitute. We’ve tried a lot of different sugar substitutes over the years (including xylitol, erythritol, coconut sugar, etc.) but I think my very favorite of all is stevia (in moderation) and monk fruit. Monk fruit doesn’t get bitter as quickly as stevia and doesn’t have that “cold” feeling that a lot of other sugar substitutes have. 🙂 (I have no idea why I just wrote all that random stuff, but bear with me, okay? I was up really late last night and am veeeery tired.)
Random Topic #2 – Writing
Writing has been kind to me recently. 🙂 I’ve been working on a story for Christmas time and I am about ¾ of the way through it. It has been going surprisingly well. I’ve been getting all these ideas for it LATE at night, which isn’t the best because then I stay up way too late just working on it. The past few days I’ve been trying to work on it more so that I can actually finish it in time for Christmas. I’ve found that I am very easily distracted, so to help combat that, I made myself sit down and WRITE for 20 minutes. No checking email, no getting up to change the music, nothing. Just sit and write. And guess what? It has actually worked! Cheer for writing progress!! 😛
(I’ve also recently started a new grammar class, so hopefully that will improve my AWFUL GRAMMAR USAGE!)
Random Topic #3 – Drinks
This temporary house came with one of those coffee makers that makes coffee/tea from the K-Cup pods! I’ve used that A LOT! I mean, who would say no to a nice warm drink when it only takes a few seconds to make? 😉 So yeah, I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee. I also have made a huge dent in the tea supply that I brought. *cries because my beloved tea is going away so fast* After quite a few days of drinking hot drinks (and scalding my poor little tongue) I started adding a bunch of ice and turning them cold. XD
Other than drinking coffee and tea, I’ve also really enjoyed *drum roll* SPARKLING WATER! It’s soooo yummy! I used to think it was really gross, but now I looove it! We often get the big cases from Costco. It’s amazing how fast they disappear!
Random Topic #4 – Silent Houses
I love silence. (Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say that I love the idea of silence. On the rare occasions that I DO get COMPLETE silence, I usually ruin it by playing music or something.) Last night my family went to drop off some Christmas cookies, and I got to stay at home. AND after the washer finally stopped IT WAS SO QUIET! There is something so peaceful and great about being alone with the silence. After enjoying it for a few seconds, I found my beloved music and played it pretty loudly. 🙂 😛 As much as I love being alone with stillness, I think I’d miss the pitter-patter of little feet and the cute little voices. And the screaming and shrill shrieks that my three youngest siblings create with amazing ease. Well, no, I actually don’t think I’d miss that last part. XD Anyway, point being, I’m thankful for my siblings even though they are very loud sometimes. 🙂
Random Topic #5 – New Year’s Resolutions
#1: Stop being angry with the world
#2: Become a stunningly kind person
#3: Stop making mistakes and automatically become perfect
#4: Quit being shy and become an extremely outgoing person
*sighs* Yeah, wouldn’t that be nice? Somehow, I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to accomplish any of those goals in a single year. 😦 As the end of the year rolls around, I always start wondering about my goals for the next 365 days. 2020 is a BIG year number wise. (Younger me was sure that I wouldn’t live to be that old because, you know, 2020 is such a giant number. XD) I’m not exactly sure what my goals for 2020 are yet, but they will definitely have something to do with #1 being a nicer person #2 trying more new things #3 writing more #4 getting back to exercising (and trying to regain the stamina that I’ve lost). 🙂 We’ll see.
And so ends another random post. 😉 Have a great day, people! (And talk to me! XD)
Have you ever gone sugar-free? If you write, how are your writing projects going? What are your favorite drinks? Do you like the quiet? What are your resolutions for 2020?